Real or Fake

It's St. Patrick's Day. I don't know what this holiday is for.  But i know that leprechauns exist! Laugh all you want, but I swear on my life that i saw one today.  I was crossing the drill field and a saw something flash from the corner of my eye.  I did a double take, and there, standing on the edge of the sidewalk, where the grass meets the concrete, was the weirdest little thing.  I know everyone says that leprechauns resemble humans, but this leprechaun was nothing close to human.  Let me try and explain this strange creature. It was nothing like people described.  Ok, so this leprechaun had a long oval face.  The forehead extended to take up half of its face, if you could call it that.  Halfway down its face was its nose or I should say noses.  Instead of a simple nose like a human, it had a huge lump of nostrils.  The closest thing I can think of that resembled the nose is a porous sponge just sitting in the middle of its face.  Next you would think there would be the mouth right? No, instead there sat one eye. But instead of a normal eye it looked more like the opening to bottle.  Once we started talking i realized that this opening was so that a stalk would slither out and at the end of that stalk sat the eyeball.  Under the eye was the mouth.  This mouth was just a slit. Straight across from on side of its face to the other.  No lips.  just a slit and when the leprechaun opened its mouth to talk i saw rows of crooked teeth. Imagine a sharks set of teeth.  Now where the neck would usually be there was a trunk.  It's body was that of a plant.  It had a trunk-like neck that narrowed down into leafy foliage.  It seemed as if this thing was a perfect cross of plant and animal.  Its body seemed leafy but it was sturdy and from the sides of its stomach area was a paw and a hand.  Where the legs should have been was a root-like stump and a human-like foot.  It was as if this leprechaun was sown together from all the left overs of rotten carcasses.  It was the ugliest little thing I have probably seen in my life.  I wish i could have taken a picture of it so that I could post it with this blog.  Anyway, now that I have finished describing the leprechaun, I was in shock mode.  I don't know if anyone else saw it but I seemed to be the only one that seemed to take notice of it.  I tentatively approached the creature.  It spoke before I even had a chance to register what exactly I was going to say.  This thing only came up to my knee but its voice was surprisingly deep and gravelly.  It said to me, "Look here! I'm a leprechaun.  I know I'm not what you've been taught to believe, but i swear to you I'm a leprechaun and i need your help."  

I was frozen in disbelief.  As i tried to form words with my gaping mouth, a football came hurtling towards my feet.  Some frat boys were tossing around the football in the nice weather. Tossing the football back, I immediately twisted back to face the leprechaun, but it was nowhere to be seen.  There was not way to miss that ugly thing, but it must have been quick for such a stumpy creature because I could find it nowhere on the drill field.  I didn't know what to do so i just continued my walk to class.  This whole day has been a huge daze as my thoughts and beliefs have been rocked by this sudden appearance of a leprechaun.

HAHHA I'm just kidding! HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY!!!